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lacigreen:

besturlonhere:

arineat:

tryingtodisappearcompletely:

God I hope this is true.

Oh my god it is.

OMFG

i dropped my monster space condom for my magnum astro dong

WHAT

(via tumblingdoe)

Source: thehighpriestessofcuddles
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comedycentral:

Click here to watch Jon Stewart offer ISIS a glimpse of their paperwork-filled future on last night’s Daily Show.

(via petertchaikowsky)

Source: comedycentral
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moshita:

Anecdotes by medical practitioners 

"A woman came in for a baby check with her 6-month-old and she had what looked like chocolate milk in the baby’s bottle. So he started explaining to her as kindly as he could that she shouldn’t be giving her baby chocolate milk. At which point she interrupts him and says, ‘Oh that isn’t chocolate milk. It’s coffee! He just loves it!”

"I had a patient come in for an STD check. She was very upset and continued to tell me that she only had one partner. Progressing through my assessment, she further divulged that even if he was sleeping with other people it shouldn’t matter ‘because he uses a condom every time and he makes sure to wash it thoroughly after every use’.”

"Had a lady who measured her baby’s temperature by pre-heating the oven and putting one hand in front of it while the other hand was on the baby’s forehead. She told the nurse her baby’s fever was about 250 degrees.”

"Lady has to have foot amputated and is given waiver forms to sign pre-op. Buddy asks if she needs time to think about it. She’s very nonchalant and doesn’t seem to care much what they do. He gets suspicious and probes a bit as to why she’s not more concerned. She says she gets that they have to operate and it’s OK because the foot will grow back.”

"I had a couple who had been trying to conceive for over two years. I asked all the usual questions, how often do you have sex, any previous pregnancy, etc etc. Something seemed off to me during the consult, so I continued to ask questions. Finally I asked if he ejaculated while inserted into the vagina. Both parties looked confused.Turns out the couple was not having insertional sex at all. I had to awkwardly explain to them how insertional sex works. Diagrams were required.”

"Patient comes in, she’s upset. She’s pregnant, and she doesn’t understand why. She’s on the pill. Upon talking to her at great length, I find out that she only takes the pills on the days that she is sexually active – no other time.”

"Patient comes in with her bf. They are indignant, as if somehow I could’ve prevented [the pregnancy]. The problem? Well, the pills were bothering the girl’s stomach, so, being a gallant bf, he decided to start taking them instead.”

I was explaining the treatment to the husband of a patient about to be discharged. He kept nodding and agreeing with me, but I knew it was flying over his head. Turned out a fundamental problem was that I was describing the drugs as ‘tablets’ and he had no clue what those were.

Reddit thread 

(via conductingbassclarinet)

Source: moshita
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Daily Show correspondent Michael Che tries to find a safe place to report from.

(via petertchaikowsky)

Source: sandandglass
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my-name-is-long:

pleath:

shesasimmer23:

Life

do u ever see the sun

Do you love the colors of the Sims?

(via conductingbassclarinet)

Source: simscompletecollection
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catlover839:

archgayngel:

captain-irrayditation:

irrhythmic:

captchaloginbreadcrumbs:

[INTERNAL SCREAMING]

this is not ok

telling time just got 300% more confusing

aesthetically interesting, cognitively nightmarish

Teacher: What’s the time?

Me: *Mental breakdown*

(via secretlynecessary)

Source: ddnjapan
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kikofficial:

octibbles:

"What’s your favorite color?"

"Radical Carrot."

image

(via skyrimspartan)

Source: octibbles
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ccoastal:

hanars:

luckykrys:

thecreach:

luckykrys:

"Anne Bonny and Mary Read were pirates, as renowned for their ruthlessness as for their gender, and during their short careers challenged the sailors’ adage that a woman’s presence on shipboard invites bad luck."

Sculpture by Erik Christianson.

I’m not entirely sure that the statue really needed to have a tit out.

How dare women try to have nipples.

Actually I’ve seen this before and I can tell you— it’s because these women were bad ass pirates and when they killed someone they’d expose one or both breasts so that when their victim died, (s)he knew that they were killed by a woman.

ACTUALLY Anne Bonny purposely wore loose fitting clothes and displayed her breasts openly at all times during battle - mainly because men were distracted by them, and she took pleasure in killing said men while they were too busy staring at her breasts. Mary Read dressed mainly as a man (after posing as her deceased brother, Mark, for the entirety of her childhood) and both ladies cross-dressed from time to time, hopping between ships. They were known as the ‘fierce hell cats’ due to their ferocious tempers, and were key elements to Captain ‘Calico Jack’ Rackham’s crew - they were the only two known female pirates in the Golden Age of Caribbean piracy. IN FACT, when the ship was captured by the British Navy, Anne and Mary were the ONLY TWO pirates who fought while the males of the crew hid - they were all tried to be hung as pirates but Bonny and Read were both pregnant and were pardoned.

Calico Jack was a lover to Bonny, and as he was to be hung, Bonny’s final words to him were, “Had you fought like a man, you need not be hung like a dog.” Bonny and Read were possibly two of the most badass fucking pirates and they were FEMALE. The more you know. 

(via reality-on-the-run)

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marchingnotherbands:

systemofadowny:

dropmycumberbritches:

dropmycumberbritches:

Georgian First Grader Beaten and Sexually Assaulted by Male Classmates…School Says Boys Just “Rough Housing”

Valdosta - Three first grade boys kept a female classmate outside after recess by hiding in the woods, pushing her face first into the ground. The victim, whose name is being withheld, has suffered scarring to the right side of her face from broken tree branches and rocks that she was allegedly assaulted with both physically and sexually.

The victim was able to escape the male classmates after fifteen minutes of torture, running into a fifth grade classroom and alerting a teacher of what had happened. The principle of the elementary school said he had a “man to man” talk with the boys and their parents, giving them two days of suspension. He neglected calling the local authorities claiming “it did not seem like a police matter, just simple rough housing gone a little too far”.

The parents of the victim are looking to press charges on the boys for sexual and physical assault, as well as a possible law suit against the school district. District superintendent was not available for comment. 

This is called rape culture you guys. The girl was 7 years old and they called it “rough housing” between boys.

Please boost this post! People NEED to hear about this.

That is fucking awful

Guys, this story is untrue. I understand we live in a rape culture, and am constantly fighting it, but signal boosting fake stories like these does not help raise awareness of it. Be sure to check the source before you reblog an article.

Source: vegetableighs